After the third meeting I was taken off all meds and off they went to wherever they go. Haven't seen or talked to them in months now. They only care about my grades By Guest New Reply Follow New Topic Guest over a year ago My parents never understand me. Like there was really no real reason to do anything. i want to be the wide reciever at school.mom says that i will never make it cause i knoe nothing about football. When I gathered enough courage to tell her that i was transgender she shot me down completely and I told me that I was just confused and its just a phase teenagers go through. I just want to cry most of the time. Pls I need a word of encouragement from u. i even developed anger issues and the second eldest also did too. It is sad to think back at how badly i wanted a hug when crying or a little praise for SOMETHING - REALLY ANYTHING but never got it. She makes sure that I get the education that I will need in the future. Often, the comparison does the opposite. It's a shame stupidity isn't painful. I know how bad it hurt when they did it to me. I also have PTSD if that is no surprise. but it does to my parents it seems like they only care about grades and not about my knowledge of stuff. Avoid them! They feel powerless and that others are more powerful than they are. Yet it always baffles me that everyone else seems to get a "Do whatever makes you feel happy" and no one bats an eye. Joint counseling will get issues out in the open. I'm super curious and I just want to know the why but then I am always talking back. These parents maintain that they should never have to praise their offspring for things such as having good behavior, doing chores without being asked, or earning good grades. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on April 15, 2018: Seek counselling either by talking to a close friend, relative, or a psychologist. every single conversation turns into grades somehow, and that isn't even an exaggeration. Many parents want their kids to be as physically and emotionally flawless as possible. What do I do? They often have insanely unrealistic expectations that their offspring must be as perfect and blemish-free as possible. When I was growing up I never hung out with my dad. You don't need "family" like this. When I got to high school I thought about ending the lives of every student and teacher. Im not suprised to be honest but what does get me is that Im practical a straight A/A* student and what gets me the most is that how am i meant to do anything if those closest dont even support me - all i ask is for a pat on the back - "your doing great and we love you" ; not just when I beat some distant cousin in some sort of irrelevant examn! she shuts out my emotions. Poor city, doctors flee from here. My parents never understand me they only care about my grades and that I should go to a Ivy League collage! And every time I feel like giving up, I would reside this quote to help me get through: "Dwelling on the misfortunes is meaningless because for all ones flaws and suffering we have just one life. Children are still developing and they require a lot of positive attention and care, comparing them to others is not the correct way to go about it. But a lot of the times i feel like i dont deserve any praise so i just stand and listen to people talk about her. We want to hear from you! I'm 13 and 6'2", makes me feel way too self conscious, Press J to jump to the feed. it hurts so bad sometimes i just wanna disappear because i have done a lot for them , the other stable kids hasn't even done up to 90% of what i have done ! I thought studying neuroscience was a amazing thing. I now only see her so that I don't get cut from her will, but I'm emotionally divorced from her. I feel much better letting some of my problems out OvO. How to Make Life Easier for you and your Kids. Parents expect many things from their offspring, but the most valuable thing in their eyes is good grades. It was only a few weeks into the school year when my 5-year-old son started telling me all about his four (!) I've seen a few therapist and a psychologist by my own free will trying to get better. I hung out in my cave like room or over at my friend's house as a teen. He found a new wife.Aaand now i have a sister She is like 8 years younger than me.There are some problems thoWhen in school i try the best i can do and in our country its like not A B or C its 6 5 4 And so i get 5 or 6 most of the times and my dad just says "okay,good" but if i get 4 one time he is just so dissapointed in meI feel so bad.Even now thinking about it .Once i told him i want to be a PC fixer (to fix broken pc etc) Then he just said "meh there are enough of them.."Now i want to be a singer but if i tell him he will just laugh or something like that.He wants me to be like himliterally.Then i talked about my sisterso when she wants to play with me or something like that and i say that I don't want cus her games are boring for me my dad is like mad at me .. I have only myself to blame for the bad because I didnt work hard enough. They want their children to succeed in life and in their vision, only good grades lead to a successful life. They contend that following the consensus offers a sense of belonging and security. they also tend to complain that i act very childish and become really agitated when i put other people who aren't family above them. They also become passive, believing that they do not count. They're only happy with me unless I did something exactly to their expectations. Answer: No, but I suggest that you obtain psychiatric counselling and disassociate yourself from your father. However, tell your mother that you are more than your grades. Emotional & Mental Health Emotional & Stress Management Relationship, Friendship & Family problems My parents never understand me! really, a lot of things are wrong with me because of my parents. I got nothing but positive words. I fully understand that my own upbringing - very strict an seemingly harsh - was luxurious and easy by comparison and that stops me from feeling sorry for myself. Dad is happy to just follow on a stronger mom simply because it absolves him of the responsibility. I hope there should be some laws to abide to these, it has kill more dreams than death itself, I am a victimand mine I suffered divorce too so it has become more difficult for me even at 26 and I'm still struggling with it, I hope people see the light at the end of the tunnellets help make this world a better place(heal the young, heal the world). Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. I wasn't able to have a childhood after, I believe i had a third sibling? This is so refreshing to know that there are people out there with similar experiences - When my parents lash on me talk me down , have me stand with my brother if he did wrong , you know the past days has been terrible for me , i have been searching the internet and seeing that i was abused all of my life from sleeping on the bare floor to being whipped with wires and canes naked to punching me in the face and i must just stand there and not cry or say a thing because my father used to say when i beat you ! Friends need to settle their own problems. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on August 15, 2018: So.let's start all things first by that my mother and father crushed when i was like 4.Then my mother moved to another country.I left with my father. Who knows what happened to them to want do that to me when I was a kid, the adults I'm talking about. No point having uncontrollable cannon arms. It important for me to get a good education so incan go to. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on May 22, 2019: Mee, talk to a counselor or a trusted family member regarding your situation. How should I react here? I'm just about to turn 35, I have no wife and I have no children. So she never gave it to me. 2 Andrew Weill three grown children at least Author has 24.8K answers and 188.3M answer views 1 y Related Why do parents believe that grades are more important than mental health? My experience is coming from an alcoholic home and ending up with C-PTSD. Parents often believe that if they extol the positive characteristics of siblings and other children to their so-called errant child, their own child will improve. There is a great deal of value in recognizing when you make a mistake and then correcting it. In reality I had tons of Ds and a few Fs, barely graduated with a really shitty GPA. Hey I am Fatima my mother is selecting her own opinion in my career she didn't give me any chance to study by my wish I Wana be in army but she don't understanding and she is doing what she wants what I do now? I already knew about my low self-esteem because of my family. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on July 20, 2018: Are you the oldest of a large/very large family? head wounds ! My dad never molested me. Help the child develop a winning attitude and approach to goal setting and see what happens. I'm pretty intelligent but can't do the school thing. (I am seventy-four.). But for this a guiding hand makes a huge impact. Your mental health, however, is more opaque. I'm turning 22 & I'm not even allowed to have sleepovers or go for sleepovers. Though I did live in a brand new house custom built. One thing for sure, Determination and Perseverance never fail you! WHat should I do? There are parents who do not believe in praising because they believe that it softens and spoils kids and will make them conceited and think too highly of themselves. Discover short videos related to my parents only care about grade on TikTok. No matter what I do, no matter how hard I try to talk to them about it, they just close off their ears and just turn what I say into what they want to think I'm saying. what I do have is an adulthood and much of my teenage years of my mother telling me to never settle for a job where I worked in a place like a supermarket store unskilled position low end job in fact my mother put so much pressure on me not to do anything that she considered beneath me or a dead end job that I never got any experience and whilst I do have quite a bit of education no one will hire me now inevitably when she dies which will be anytime soon I will be left with being unemployed and completely alone how I wish I had a family how wish I had a wife and children and how I wish that if I did have kids I would only want one thing for them above all else I would want them to be happy with their own lives, not the life that I wanted for them, but the life that they wanted for them. I thought it was pretty darn cute and, to be honest, I was . The problem is that this approach doesn't turn your children into lifelong learners. Her parents were lazy, uneducated, and short-sighted. It was a tough road to deal with that for many years, seeing a loved one lose her memory. Maybe is because Im from a hispanic culture, but to me, parents are the absolute law. Those whose characteristics are different from the parents' are viewed as a threat to the familial, social order. Your father is abusive & his behavior is inexcusable. They want kids who they can easily control, and they are highly threatened by those who exhibit a more independent nature. I believe I have come to the point of not feeling like I belong and dare I say hopeless, somehow I find consolation that others have gone through this too, I wish you all the best and we will make it out of this time together! My mother's anxiety about my having a family by now, bled the life out of what could have been exciting and formative 20s. Second therapist referred me to the psychologist. I'm not saying it isn't tradgid, I'm asking how you can be surprised. I strongly agree with all except the last one. Explain to them why it is important that they listen to you as a parent but give them some leeway and some freedom as well. But this psychologist stayed long enough for me to explain what I felt was important. They took possession of her Xbox, limiting how often she is on it all because they don't want her to get "addicted". He started me up on sleeping pills that made the night terrors mutate and anti depressants that zombified me. I feel that they and most of my family have expectations for every child and if not met you would be just a disappointment. Real Example: We got our grades of the Chemistry exam today, i read the question wrong, i read Beta Particles instead of Alpha Particles, but i answered the question right if it was talking about Beta Particles so basically i answered it right, in a way. Question: Why do my parents always compare me to my sister? Can Low Sciences Grades Derail My Career in Medical School Before Sophomore Year? Im sick and tired. I wouldn't want to cause them pain, and I have just naturally never fought for my life. Find other relatives who love & care for you. Question: Why do my parents always scold me about my scars when I'm trying my best to remove them? last bit would be that my mother wouldn't praise any of the good i did, she would be so uninterested that slowly i just stopped caring for my family's approval while also stopping what i loved doing. , my mum used to and still criticises her weight even though she looked fine, I dont know if that caused me to be extremely uncomfortable with gaining any weight. All three of us are crippled to think on our own and in deep resentment and depression. I just asked my parents if I could go to a coffee shop to study tomorrow and dad was yelling at me from the start cause I ask stupid questions. My mother was given away by her parents as an infant, then taken back at ten years of age when she was old enough to work and be considered useful. and if you ask me.. i dont care as much about grades, for me.. if i know that im good in that specific subject but i still get low grades it doesnt really matter to me. He obviously loves you. But even though I feel I am making the money I want to make, they constantly tell me "Truckers don't make good money." So it doesnt really even out when my parents point out my flaws. Not being in your child's life can greatly impact there self-esteem and self worth, it can make them feel like they're not worth anything, even your time. Not to even mention my life outside work. These children often feel insignificant and totally unappreciated. Comparing Children to Siblings or Other Children, Criticizing a Child's Innate Abilities, Temperament, or Characteristics, Teaching That a Child's Dreams, Aspirations, and Goals Are Impossible to Reach, Living Their Kid's Lives and Planning Their Careers, Evaluating a Child's Intellectual Capacity upon Grade Point Average, Zeroing in on So-Called Negative Characteristics. I have anxiety about so many things, and i wish I could just have a more positive life.. My mom pushes me to do too much work. My heart rips itself apart going through the thought. Money isn't common for me. But I keep thinking back to both experiences and both they make me smile. She really really wanted an extremely smart kid. It's a lot. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on August 27, 2018: Speak w/ a trusted teacher who will refer you to a trusted counselor. They often attempt to gear their children into "more realistic" careers and aspirations, ones that are "workable" and "secure." you dont cry now i see why he does that because that is clearly abuse i still have scars on my body physical scars ! Theyve also brianwashed and tricked everyone into believing they are perfect can do no wrong parents, and even convinced my own therapists that Im a selfish child because they do so much for me (AKA the bare minimum). Not just kids but teachers and teacher assistants too. Instead of comparing the child to other kids, parents should focus on the positive aspects and characteristics their child has while minimizing their negative aspects. They believe that they are making their kids' lives easier and less stressful. Oldest children in large/very large families are abused & deprived of their childhoods & adolescence. I'm doing this for me. She lives in Canada, and her parents are authoritarians. Yes, overprotective parents are abusive parents although such parents present a "loving" faade. Kids are sadistic with one another. Always try things(beneficial) that are..UNKNOWN! You have to start preparing for highschool and I am in 6th grade! I feel like if I'm not serving someone, my life has no purpose. (She's 92 and can't live for much longer). Create a positive environment where the child feels that they are loved and respected. (My parents make me feel dumb.). They gave me a opportunity to do it up on a stage. Instead, parents should encourage their children to pursue their dreams and let them figure out if their dreams and goals are reachable or impossible. But, now I am older and see the world different. Tell them you want to hear when theyre proud, not just when theyre disappointed. Just makes me sick. It costs quality money to get quality help. StuckHereRemainAnonymous on August 03, 2018: After reading this, it made me realise that almost everything said in it is happening to me right now and its all for the best and youll thank me one day. But obviously, they think I am. The idea in our society is "people who were sexually abused will repeat their abusers patterns to others once they go through adulthood.". quick info, i am autistic and i cannot work under pressure. Be the wide receiver you want. I don't know what's wrong with me. They often view their children's physical and emotional differences as imperfections to be corrected and/or changed and may denigrate their children in order to make them shape up. The worst thing parents can do is to OVERPROTECT & INFANTILIZE children. I have terrible times at school and I have no friends to be there for me. Question: My mom only cares about my grades more than me and is a control freak. Each child is unique. Now I realize that if they would have practiced with me that wouldn't have happened like that and I could have made the play of the day.. and been a champ carried on the teams shoulders Ahh. There are many ways a parent can help improve their child's self-esteem and sense of self-worth. I'm not telling you my name on February 02, 2018: Is it healthy if i normally make good grades and I get grounded for one F until I make a B? If I protested, they would tell me I am lazy and useless and that this was the "small" price I had to pay for being taken care of. According to Brent Sweitzer, a private practice professional counselor, parental involvement plays a significant role with. You feel that whatever your sibling does for good or bad, you feel somehow that you are responsible for your sibling's actions when such isn't necessarily the case. I sing and do it very well. Until my spirit was broken, I had a few good kicks as a kid. Im 16 and i have an incredibly stressful life 6am - 10 or 12pm everyday. Continue to seek self-improvement and one day we can pass through this. Don't stay w/toxic family members who don't respect/love you. We have received many stories and are working on animating them! But I can't say I'm surprised anytime there is a tradgid headline on the news, hate breeds more hate. Recently my grandmother passed away and left me a bit of money, so I'm going to a gym and gotten myself a person trainer employed by this gym, that is coaching me. Didn't see them for long, found a better job elsewhere. they try to get me to wake up at insane times on weekends to work and get angry when i sleep through my alarm. I joined the choir thinking it will help me boost my confidence but I've bn in the choir getting to a year hving never sang and I feel depressed and useless because I want to pursue music as a career but hw can I be a shy musician? My perspective at least. If they aren't receptive, discuss the matter with a trusted relative. Guest I 've enjoyed this reading, nos I'am 60 years old, I lived difficult times when I was a child, fue this, I could not to be married, now I feel that need father's Love, I feel better when older men give me his friendchip. I hesitate to feel proud of myself ever because in scared that my parents won't look at it to be proud of. Grace Marguerite Williams (author) from the Greatest City In The World-New York City, New York on September 14, 2018: All this broils down to parental insecurity, when parents need to control every aspect of the children lives to assuage their fears. My mother displayed many of these characteristics but, even if I often disliked her growing up, I could never hate her because she genuinely did believe she was acting in my best interest. Sick of It. I know it does because I see how everyone else gets treated. However, there are parents who equate mistakes with grave mortal sins. From my perspective, I hate children. Many parents believe that they are only guiding and helping their children when in fact, they are causing harm instead. She once read my diary which I wrote about how I feel unappreciated, useless because of all the things she said to me. Title says it all.. My parents only care about my grades. They tell themselves that the child will appreciate this one day. My parents & brothers even told me I deserved to be raped & that me getting raped was 'my fault'. I ask them to hang out with my friends they allow me but then they complain that I'm "always" out with my friends. Some apply corrective or disciplinary methods that can verge on emotional or verbal abuse which damage their children's self-esteem. "She's rude, and who does she think she is thinking she can talk back to us like that. I have always felt like I wasnt good enough, my parents used to scold me if my grades where not perfect "why did you not get 100%?" I'm still overcoming a whole lot, spent so many years processing, talking it all out. I don't think I'd fight back if someone choked me to death. Dear Sick of It, There is an old saying that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. Parents care more about their child's grades than the child itself. 16 and I have no friends to be honest, I am in 6th grade how... At my friend 's house as a teen parents never understand me they only care about grade TikTok! Self conscious, Press J to jump to the feed absolves him of the time, not kids... Hurt when they did it to be the wide reciever at school.mom says that I get the education I! On sleeping pills that made the night terrors mutate and anti depressants that zombified me, barely graduated a! On TikTok, found a better job elsewhere this approach doesn & # x27 ; t your... Once read my diary which I wrote about how I feel unappreciated, because! They often have insanely unrealistic expectations that their offspring, but to when. 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