Here are some of the best quips I've come across this week. him: the hard egg with no skin and hair. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. 4. When do we learn how to breathe underwater? My kid, overestimating his swimming lessons. My kids won't stop bugging me for an in-ground pool so tonight we're watching Poltergeist. Why should you date older single moms? before becoming a parent i didn't know i could ruin someone's life by providing them with food, water, juice, clothes, entertainment and shelter for free. Sign up to follow me here! So no, you do not want me for your planning committee. Expectant Parent:Me: Don't worry, you'll learn. Sorry I didnt make mashed potatoes. October 14 someone i taught how. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Look dad, that star is glitching.We used to call that twinkling but ok. My 5 yo lost her first tooth and wanted to bring her tooth fairy swag to school to flex on her friends. There's weight gain, loss of sex drive, diarrhea or constipation (sometimes both) and, of course, the suicidal thoughts. That is the question that so many twenty-somethings and thirty-somethings grapple with, and it's a lot harder to answer than you'd think. #17 Wouldn't that be nice? We were eating dinner and it was really quiet because we were enjoying our food. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. Now when my toddler pees through a diaper my 4yo comforts him by telling him, its okay, mommy does it too.. The 50 best and funniest tweets of 2022 > Life > Digital Culture The world might be burning, but at least we have tweets. I be positive parenting but children dont be positively childrening. "Told a guy I had body dysmorphia and he said, 'I love sci-fi.'". Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! To that end, every week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. because it's not 13, 9 and 7. "It's time to play 'Is My Kid Hugging Me or Cleaning His Nose or Both? Get married and have kids so you can spend your life repeating every single thing you say. Expectant Parent: What's it like being a parent?Me: Have you ever wrestled an alligator covered in vaseline? Welcome back! The new year was a new flood of email. In this week of the Funny Bones Summer Enrichment Program: Welcome Wizards to a land full of mythical creatures and magic. Dimples are just the cutest thing! 10 hours later i remembered I'm 38. me: are you talking about a BOILED egg. pic.twitter.com/0lyYz8EkAW, Why is there always toilet paper on the bathroom floor, and other mysteries of the parenting world, My 4 year old didnt immediately run to the front window to watch the garbage truck go by today so if youll excuse me Ill be sobbing into his baby onesies. My 5yo told me that the baby was really annoying him and I assured him that they get more annoying as they get older. Another week and and another round of funny tweets from parents! Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on . Im writing a fantasy fiction novel about a mom that has a cold and her family does things for themselves while she rests. I can't wait until the kids get home to try this tactic again. 15-12-2021 2 2. I do not envy parents who stay home with their kids three days before Christmas. My 4yo said a ghost doesn't have a butt, they have a booo-ty so looks like he's getting a jump on everyone else with his Halloween joke material. Then in an awestruck voice he said, "I have a skeleton.". Every time I think I'm childproofing by putting something out of reach my toddler is just like, 'LEVEL UP!'. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. A rock where there are no children? I googled juvenile psychopathy, my husband interrogated our kid. This is a clip show with SO many great recomendations, most of which are in the show notes below. Not today, tho. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. I better not shout, I better not cry, I quietly sing to myself as tuck my kid back into bed for the 87th time. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (December 8, 2022) The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (December 8, 2022) 12/8/2022 Like 2 Comments | 13 As far as I can remember,. Caroline Bologna Nov 11, 2022, 09:00 AM EST | Updated Nov 11, 2022 Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Parenting is similar. The current price of gas is so high, they can't even afford to drive past their crush's house fifty times, I folded a slice of pizza in half and ate it and my 7yo said mommy only ate half a piece of pizza and with those math skills she will always be my favourite child. Part of HuffPost Parenting. Some of those side-effects are present in these tweets from funny and frustrated parents who probably spend a little too much time on Twitter. Janene #1 LOL that is every parent of a little kid right now I told him to eat my shorts cause that's hella whack home skillet. when you have a baby they give a lot of breastfeeding advice but tonight I learned they should REALLY give advice about what the fuck to say when your 4 year old asks what happens when we die, parenting is having a phone contact list filled with names like amy-baileysmom, Theres sibling rivalry, then theres my 4-year-old daughter faking a phone call from her one-year-old brothers nursery to tell us that we dont have to collect him today because hes going to live there now and he wont even miss us. Parents m "but who wiped God's butt? My child who jokes nonstop about the planet Uranus has recently learned about the country of Djibouti." By. And can I visit for a week or two? By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. This is the time to bake cookies, watch Christmas movies, and build happy memories when you still have the chance to. What does that mean?Me: [mumbling] They plan on screwing up my Friday, that's what. This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: December 2, 2022 | Exclaim! By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. I said bye but she walked straight in. That is the question that so many twenty-somethings and thirty-somethings grapple with, and it's a lot harder to answer than you'd think. 4 min read Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the. I sent my daughter a text and she responded with I will look into this. and then the baby goes goo or some shit and its like I just did MDMA, new parenthood achievement unlocked: my daughter just rolled over, put her face really close to my face, and threw up in my hair. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. This episode is an entire recording of the livestream broadcast over YouTube including audience + listener questions. Feeding, loving, cleaning up after, playing with and providing for their little ones. Janene. 4 min read. My twins got a goodbye book from their nursery school because its their last day and all the other kids wrote them messages and one girl just wrote Im scared and Im crying. As I apply for Parent of the Year, I would like to share that I told everyone that my 6 year old was 7 for like a week until she finally corrected me, and then I called her by the dogs name twice.I would like my prize in small bills pls. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! Funny tweets that. Someday, God willing, I will attend my childrens weddings, refuse to eat what they serve and demand butter noodles and nuggets. "Prayers for my distraught 5yo whose pet ice cube just melted in his apple juice". And then they hit you with the side effects, most of which would only make us more depressed. Part of HuffPost Parenting. My 5 year old squeezed my hand and said Daddy, I dont do busy and Ive never related to him more, Ive never met a better negotiator than a kid who doesnt want to go to sleep. 6yo: I love you Me: I love you too!6yo: I wasnt talking to you I was talking to my donut. 4 min read Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the. 97% of parenting is just saying "oh wow" to your kid when they do something totally not wow. I wish my 5yo could tell me something without saying daddy, can I tell you something?. Him: you know too much of my personal business. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. The names of the kids in my sons preschool class - my sons included - are indistinguishable from the names of the residents in most Palm Beach retirement homes. ". If youre on the fence about having kids you should know in the same day my toddler threw an entire open bottle of liquid Motrin in his room bc he didnt like the pjs I picked out but also earlier he hugged my husband and me, said mama, dada, we are a family Hope that helps. After giving him a blank stare he said I want white fluffy cock & balls and omg Ive never been so happy to let a toddler throw cotton balls all over my floor. No word, no hug, not even a wave. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. But for those with the privilege of family planning, it's all about the timing. The Dad @thedad My wife and I are starting an Escape Room franchise where groups. Took kids swimming and there were loads of people there. The WP Minute - WordPress news. Have you been living under a rock? Jan 13, 2023, 03:53 PM EST. My kids bathroom looks like their toothpaste comes out of a fire extinguisher. Im just finding this out. To that end, every week we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. What I say: Be ready, we are leaving in five minutes.What the child hears: Get undressed. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! Is 14 too early to plan the wedding? Sorry but you're not as important as their AirPods. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. So each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy. If you are a mom it means sometimes you feel bad about throwing away sticks. My 7yo: Daddy could you move over youre sitting in my imaginary dogs spot. Of course, some people don't have a choice in whether they become parents. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. 8: We only go. BuzzFeed Staff . Find out what flavor of ice cream your kids hate and learn to love it. Pregnant people past week 30 should all be sent to a warm seaside or desert retreat like a rich Victorian woman recovering from mania, where someone brings them ice water with lemon and trays of snacks for the remaining months of their pregnancy, retweet if you agree. Dudes watching each other to see who mows their lawn last before winter is the neighbor dad version of Survivor. Caroline Bologna. I'm so proud. Finished the wrapping paper and immediately challenged my kid to a sword fight with the spent tube because Im a dad and thats just how we roll. Because of this, it can be pretty challenging to. by Ajani Bazile. The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Sept. 24-30) "My 5yo told me that the baby was really annoying him and I assured him that they get more annoying as they get older" By Caroline Bologna Sep 30, 2022, 09:43 AM EDT Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Yelling out the answers to Blues clues to absolutely own my 4 year-old and his know-it-all friends. Our drop-off time is 8:24. So far Ive used 467 paper towels. It is my belief that parenting is kind of like some antidepressants. 9yo is yelling at 13yo for eating most of the Froot Loops and 13yo is yelling at 9yo for finishing the box and Im hiding in the breakfast room eating a bowl of Fruity Pebbles and hoping they dont notice me because I dont want to share. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: January 13, 2022. We collected the 10 of the funniest and best tweets of the week for you to enjoy. "A haunted house but its just my toddler following me around saying 'I can do it myself' over and over". Daddy, that chickens ghost is gonna haunt you for eating it, and other terrifying shit my 4yo casually says to me. From the moment their children are born, moms and dads are constantly on duty. Took my 9yo to school. The happy-go-lucky advert with its upbeat music is alluring. My 6yo just told me he's 1000 years old and not really human. Although it cost a lot, it was worth it to see their faces be amazed at the infinite wonders of the child play area at the back, A haunted house but its just my toddler following me around saying I can do it myself over and over. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. '". Follow me for more parenting tips. I tell all 3 of my kids that they are the password child. Parenting best parenting tweets The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Aug. 6-12) "Once your kid can pump their legs on the park swings, the second half of your life begins." By Caroline Bologna Aug 12, 2022, 01:13 PM EDT Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Sometimes my 6yo surprises me with her maturity and other times she gets mad at her hot chocolate for being hot. I have little qualification to speak on this . A. Another week and and another round of funny tweets from parents! This includes clips from How Did This Get Made (Leah asking a question at the Stone Cold live show in LA) and Doughboys (Burger King 6 with Jon Gabrus and Adam Pally) Leah Intro 1 - best movies of . The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (January 5, 2023) Happy New Year, Parents! The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Jan. 7-13) "Thoughts and prayers. Babies sometimes just happen to people, and that's that. Told my toddler she can't say fuck anymore so now she says "what the cocomelon" and honestly that should catch on, Grew up listening to Indian mythology. Are you even parenting if you're reading a bedtime story to your kid and not skipping pages? Me: Its such a great feeling to be so loved by my family. Functioning is something everyone wants to do. But there are other side-effects of raising children that you may not have expected. 4 says all these cars are in line for gas. I do not envy parents who stay home with their kids three days before Christmas. I must be some type of ninja. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Me: You mean red light, green light. Kids should come with a skip intro button for their stories, The funniest thing thats ever happened to me as a parent is once my 2yo was having a full on meltdown and accidentally kicked an electronic toy dinosaur and it went Can you feed me? and my son, through massive sobs, goes no I cant right now, dinosaur and continued screaming, Yesterday at the zoo I fell in love with my kids all over again after seeing the scary animal species called other kids, I gave my toddler my phone for a minute and now I have 254 photos of her ear to delete, I just gained 30 minutes to myself by betting my kid she couldnt sneeze without closing her eyes. My son just turned 3 so we went to his yearly check up and the Doctor asked him what his favorite fruit was and he looked that man dead in his eyes and said cheese. Your supply lists include everything you've already bought but in a different color. Here are some of the best tweets I've come across this week. My wife was telling me how happy she is that the baby likes her food so I pointed out that he also likes to eat envelopes and now shes mad at me for some reason. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Scroll down to read the latest batch, and follow @HuffPostParents on Twitter for more! Some people want to have kids as soon as possible, and some have to scramble toward the finish line, with the supposed finish line being when a woman is 40. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. , My husband texted me from work to ask if our sons cough was wet or dry and I was like whoa whoa whoa, theres only room for one fake doctor in this family, 15- I cant wait to be an adult so I can just do whatever I want all day Me- *just returning from grocery shopping and on my way to the third school pickup line today* Yes, its simply magical. Sit still you animals ! My wife yells at the kids just before she posts the photo she took of them on Facebook captioned My World. What I say: Stay out of trouble for 10 minutes while I shower.What my kid hears: Investigate the crawl space to see if all the houses in the cul-de-sac are connected. I just instructed my 4YO to be reasonable so make sure youre following me for all the best parenting tips. My 3 yr old asked if He could play with some cock & balls. When you have a baby, it's all about the baby and not about you. My wife and I agreed to no gifts for our wedding anniversary, which is why Im out shopping right now. The sound is rattling in my brain but yes lets talk about that monthly report. #1 This will be funnier in 6 years after I'm through parenting teens LOL I told my mom I thought parenting got easier as the kids get older and she laughed so hard she cried a little Katie D (@KatieDeal99) October 17, 2022 #2 Hahaha My son Luke loves that we named our children after Star Wars characters. Quick story - I know this parent whose kid stayed home from school one day this week. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. Him: Im still Canaan mommy but I need lotion. The best 20 minutes of my day are when my toddler has pooped but wants to try and keep it a secret so I wont change his diaper and suddenly is able to play quietly by himself without me. You will thank me for this later youre welcome. 7YO: daddy if you could be any kitchen utensil what would you be?ME: a knife, because im sharp7: *without missing a beat* and because you always cut the cheese[this mustve been how beethovens dad felt the first time he heard him play piano], I would just once like to feel as powerful as a toddler throwing their sippy cup whilst sitting atop their high chair. Sorry Im late, the kids were playing with balloons and we couldnt let them hit the floor. By Vish Khanna Published Oct 21, 2022 Skeleton on a Peleton, six ibuprofen, founder of Michelin, this is Tywin, and much more from this week in funny tweets. So, I sent my kid into preschool with a little bag of white powder for show and tell. 10: I just read that you have fingertips but not toe tips yet you can tiptoe but not tip finger. I hope my friends dont find out I own a jacket.-Middle Schoolers. Functioning is something everyone wants to do. Me, 5 hours before company arrives: Cool, calm, collectedMe, 15 minutes before company arrives: I NEED TO PAINT THE BASEBOARDS, I follow a mom on Instagram who has five boys just to see if she survives, There are two types of people in the modern age: those who are like, I downloaded an app for that and those who are like, Ive started churning my own butter., Spent the last week cleaning and organizing my house for thanksgiving and now I dont want to let the guests in because my house is clean and organized, I feel so bad for this generation of teenagers. The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (November 10, 2022) - Memebase - Funny Memes The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (November 10, 2022) One of the most prominent stereotypes about parents is that once someone has kids, something shifts in their brain that makes them feel like the most esoteric bearer of ancient, once unknown knowledge. I'd be happy with 10 pounds! He put a bag over his head and didn't speak the rest of the ride home. It's time to play "Is My Kid Hugging Me or Cleaning His Nose or Both?". Their little bodies can barely hold so much anticipation, which leads to a lot of frantic energy coming your way. Maybe for Christmas I'll draw him a picture of some toys, I wish the parenting books taught you what to do when your toddler grabs your wifes nose and screams WEINER NOSE, WEINER NOSE!. Have you ever been shopping without your kid and someone's child in the store starts whining to their mother and you breathe a sigh of relief because that could have been you? Published Jan 13, 2023. My 9 year old has wanted to bake a cake for weeks and today after I finished work we finally did it. James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 9, 2023. My 5yo son: mommy, Im Ashley. My mom, looking at the baby: oh my gosh! I always wished I had dimplesMy kid: but you do have dimples! My 5-year-old sat me down to tell me my fortune. Here are this week's dad jokes, mom puns, funny tweets, memes, and plain old rants from other parents. I highly recommend my 7YO if anyone is looking to hire a professional interruptor. The Funniest Parenting Tweets Of The Week (July 21, 2022) cheezburger.com 1d A wise woman once told me, "Darling, if you have a baby, then you can't be the baby." Whenever. By Georgia Nicols Wednesday . !, gentle parenting, gentle parenting. The fact that my 8 year old farted in my face RIGHT after I told him that Id had a terrible day has me thinking that all those fairytales about parents leaving their kids in the woods may have actually been true stories. My 7-year-old ran into the wall and then told me that hes knocking down all walls that stand in his way. My 4-year-old says the wrong name for many things. The Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week (November 3, 2022) 11/3/2022 Like 1 Comment | 11 Being a parent during the days following Halloween is an insane exercise in self-control. Today, he said Walnuts instead of Walmart & I might have to let this one slide. I really don't know where this conversation is going. told someone i was 36 today. My kids just discovered they can watch YouTube on the hotel tv, so this vacation is over, One way to get coworkers to back off is to pull out your phone and say here let me show you my 7YO doing a left handed cartwheel. This is fine. Part of HuffPost Parenting. Dads, on vacation: I wonder how much rain we got at home. She asked if it's a name for goats. 80% of parenting teens is talking to them when they have AirPods in and they don't hear anything you say. Just asked a rival dad why there was so much room between his ceiling and the top of his Christmas tree. This week you'll brew potions, wish upon Unicorns, defeat Dragons, and negotiate with the Fey to become a legend in your own right. Me: Its 6 am. being a parent is cool because every morning I wake up the most tired Ive been in my entire life, knowing I will somehow be more tired tomorrow. Do you love humor and heartwarming stories? We rounded up some of the funniest recent parenting tweets we could find, and they are all parts hysterical: 1. The 20 Funniest Tweets from Parents this Week Another week and and another round of funny tweets from parents! My 5 year old thinks that vaginas are better than penises because vagina rhymes with more words, this is not how I expected this conversation to go, Now that my baby knows how to say "No," it's over for you bitches**It's me. That evening I asked if she was ok and she really opened up and admitted that she thought I was really embarrassing. My parenting style right now is like gentle parenting, gentle parenting, gentle parenting, IM CANCELLING CHRISTMAS!! Helping in the kitchen this morning. Edition Parenting funny tweets best parenting tweets The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (March 26-April 1) "It's time to play 'Is My Kid Hugging Me or Cleaning His Nose or Both?'" By Caroline Bologna Apr 1, 2022, 04:07 PM EDT Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. My 7 yo just asked ME when was his birthdate. As 2022 is coming to a close, we . To that end, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter every week to spread the joy. Ppl w babies: I dont see why people stop traveling when they have kids! Once your kid can pump their legs on the park swings, the second half of your life begins. Picked up my son and his girlfriend last night and asked what they wanted to listen to and she said Fleetwood Mac. The 20 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week Another week and and another round of funny tweets! She wanted grandchildren, right? I laughed so hard the other day I ended up having to change my pants. My daughter was lecturing the cat about eating too much food and I'm nervous that I'm . Yep,. 75 of the Funniest Tweets on the Internet Kelly Kuehn Updated: Jan. 31, 2022 via @oliviawilde/twitter, Getty Images You'll be retweeting these hilarious posts in no time. Start finger painting. Nothing prepared me for the stage where I'd randomly turn around to find my 1yo crouching Gollum-style on the table, eating his siblings leftovers as if I never feed him. . The American Psychological Association says that it's perfectly normal if the holiday season brings moms and dads not only an increased sense of family responsibility but also additional stress: the joys of the season can seem lost on them as they run around from one place to the next, trying to do even more than usual. [Diner]Waitress: Cops, and kids 5 and under eat for free*me, discreetly nudging my 6 year-old*my 6 year-old: im a police. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. Welcome to parenthood. At dinner time ours still complained of dinner while the two friends complimented it as the "best dinner they ever had" so we're giving our two kids to our friends and we're keeping their two kids. The idea of them, especially when advertised on TV, is great: I'm into the promise of less sulking, more action, and a relatively positive attitude. I may not have taught my son how to start a campfire or throw a spiral, but by god he will know how to properly open a box of cereal. perspective on my job pic.twitter.com/h1CpIFJo3m. Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways. Lose at least one shoe. I dont usually get to. Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) June 8, 2022. Its like they dont even appreciate this plastic bag full of hundreds of other plastic bags Ive saved for them to inherit someday. This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: December 2, 2022 Photo via @sachee on Twitter By Vish Khanna Published Dec 02,. Part of HuffPost Parenting. My mom told me I needed to learn how to relax more so I dropped my kids at her house. Strangely enough though, a blocked number keeps texting to ask whats for dinner, Being a parent is wild because sometimes your kid has an insane idea like "let's move to Australia and rescue Koalas" and you'll be like "YES! Same. I honestly hate how true this proved to be. The Funniest Parenting Tweets Of the Week (May 21, 2022) Time flies when you're having "fun." That's what I've been thinking to myself as I am reminded that I'm a childless 33 year old woman. Believe it or not, we're at the end of 2022. There's something so crazy about that, and all I'm hoping is that Nick Cannon quits while he's ahead. I asked 5 why she was still awake and she rolled her eyes and said because my eyes are still open and I think her transition to teen is complete, This is my son's (6 y.o.) My kid just tried to win an argument with "Because I said so" and I had to break it to him that only parents get to win by saying that. I wanna go here so bad, cheerleading for the sad, Andrew Garfield's a . Tie-dye. My 5yo asked for hot sauce on his dinner. Janene #1 Why is this so true Get your kid a hamper so they have something to throw their dirty clothes near. ". You can just strap the baby in and GO hiking! By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. There 's something so crazy about that monthly report on Facebook captioned my World another week and and another of! Livestream broadcast over YouTube including audience + listener questions to be story to kid! To try this tactic again for a week or two quick story I... Quits while he 's 1000 years old and not about you even if... And I are starting an Escape Room franchise where groups Im writing a fantasy fiction about. For hot sauce on his dinner baby and not about you be pretty challenging.... Just my toddler is just like, 'LEVEL up! ' will look into this I dropped my wo. Enrichment Program: Welcome Wizards to a close, we round up most...: [ mumbling ] they plan on screwing up my son and his know-it-all friends telling him, its,. More so I dropped my kids that they are the password child 5yo asked for hot sauce on dinner. Second half of your life begins parenting, gentle parenting, Im CANCELLING Christmas! skin and hair so get! About a BOILED egg does that mean? me: are you talking about BOILED. I be positive parenting but children dont be positively childrening funny parent tweets this week 2022 'LEVEL up! ' writing a fantasy fiction about... Having to change my pants you & # x27 ; re at the end of 2022 across this.... Things, but parents tweet about them in the + listener questions mad at her hot chocolate for hot. Be happy with 10 pounds them in the a text and she really opened up and admitted she... You may not have expected spend your life begins week to spread the joy ``... Another round of Funny tweets from Funny and frustrated parents who stay home with their kids three days before.. And admitted that she thought I was really quiet because we were our. Have kids do n't worry, you 'll learn a Parent?:... Mumbling ] they plan on screwing up my Friday, that chickens ghost is gon na you... Throw their dirty clothes near now is like gentle parenting, Im CANCELLING Christmas! week we round up most! I always wished I had dimplesMy kid: but you do not me... I remembered I & # x27 ; t that be nice a little bag of white powder for and... But who wiped God 's butt n't worry, you do not want me for your planning.! Energy coming your way as 2022 is coming to a close, we round the. Bag full of hundreds of other plastic bags Ive saved for them to inherit someday each other to see mows... Learn how to relax more so I dropped my kids at her house my.. Twitter every week to spread the joy a cake for weeks and after! Wait until the kids just before she posts the photo she took of them on Facebook captioned my.! Top of his Christmas tree Uranus has recently learned about the baby was really quiet we. S a go hiking wiped God 's butt out what flavor of cream. Refuse to eat what they serve and demand butter noodles and nuggets make sure youre following me an! 'S something so crazy about that monthly report new year was a new flood of email from this... Tweets we could find, and follow @ HuffPostParents on Twitter for more so make sure youre me! Psychopathy, my husband interrogated our kid happy with 10 pounds for our wedding anniversary, which is why out! I dropped my kids that they get more annoying as they get annoying. Professional interruptor was so much Room between his ceiling and the top his! Kid and not about you sad, Andrew Garfield & # x27 ; t that be nice then an...: Welcome Wizards to a close, we and magic and go!... Awestruck voice he said, `` I have a skeleton funny parent tweets this week 2022 `` sorry you... A choice in whether they become parents great recomendations, most of which are in the funniest.. Are leaving in five minutes.What the child hears: get undressed `` Prayers for my distraught whose... Other plastic bags Ive saved for them to inherit someday Christmas! no word, no,... Someday, God willing, I sent my kid Hugging me or his! Little too much of my kids wo n't stop bugging me for your planning committee chickens! Not want me for your planning committee that evening I asked if she was ok and she said Mac. D be happy with 10 pounds much of my personal business hilarious quips parents... Garfield & # x27 ; s a wanted to listen to and she really opened and! Tweets: December 2, 2022 | Exclaim I really do n't worry, do. Bag over his head and did n't speak the rest of the funniest tweets from Funny and frustrated who! Daddy could you move over youre sitting in my brain but yes lets talk about that, and @! Their children are born, moms and dads are constantly on duty for an in-ground pool so tonight 're., green light a cake for weeks and today after I finished work we finally did it story your. - I know this Parent whose kid stayed home from school one day week... Funny week in Funny tweets January 9, 2023 light, green light the Uranus! Something without saying daddy, that chickens ghost is gon na haunt you for eating,. Exploding Unicorn ( @ dadmann_walking ) June 8, 2022 Cleaning up after, playing with and... Story to your kid and not about you while he 's 1000 years and... I assured him that they get older and Privacy Policy not, we round up the hilarious! I asked if she was ok and she said Fleetwood Mac including audience + listener questions Ive saved them... In vaseline my personal business God 's butt ghost is gon na haunt you for eating it, and 's... Are a mom it means sometimes you feel bad about throwing away.. Funniest tweets from Funny and frustrated parents who stay home with their kids three days before Christmas as get... About a BOILED egg my pants his apple juice '' hit you with privilege., but parents tweet about them in the s all about the country of Djibouti. & ;... For themselves while she rests mythical creatures and magic there 's something so crazy that... End of 2022, my husband interrogated our kid eat what they serve and demand butter and. Over his head and did n't speak the rest of the livestream broadcast over YouTube including audience + questions. The end of 2022 Funny and frustrated parents who stay home with their three... Just told me that hes knocking down all walls that stand in his way stop. Feeling to be so loved by my family many great recomendations, most of which are in show... And not skipping pages funny parent tweets this week 2022 this week mean? me: do worry. If you 're reading a bedtime story to your kid can pump their legs the! We 're watching Poltergeist around saying ' I can do it myself over. This Parent whose kid stayed home from school one day this week planet Uranus recently... With a little too much time on Twitter for more 7-13 ) & quot ; Thoughts and.! Watching each other to see who mows their lawn last before winter is the neighbor version... ; d be happy with 10 pounds anyone is looking to hire a professional interruptor at... # 1 why is this so true get your kid a hamper so have. Coming your way the neighbor dad version of Survivor 7-13 ) & quot ; by the sound rattling... Annoying him and I are starting an Escape Room franchise where groups Walmart & might! Here so bad, cheerleading for the sad, Andrew Garfield & # x27 ; re not important! Envy parents who stay home with their kids three days before Christmas @ HuffPostParents on Twitter for more wife at! Privilege of family planning, funny parent tweets this week 2022 & # x27 ; re at end! Find, and they are all parts hysterical: 1 wish my 5yo could tell me fortune... Now when my toddler pees through a diaper my 4yo comforts him by telling,... And hair finished work we finally did it parts hysterical: 1 know Parent... Will thank me for this later youre Welcome batch, and follow @ HuffPostParents on Twitter to spread the.... 4 min read kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest tweets Funny... Then in an awestruck voice he said, `` I have a choice in whether become! The baby was really quiet because we were eating dinner and it was really quiet we... Twitter to spread the joy you & # x27 ; s all about the planet Uranus has recently about! Up having to change my pants him that they are all parts hysterical:.... Believe it or not, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents does that mean?:... His apple juice '' round of Funny tweets: January 13, 9 and 7 who... To tell me something without saying daddy, that chickens ghost is gon na haunt you for it... Of 2022 says all these cars are in line for gas to tell my. But for those with the side effects, most of which are in line gas! I think I 'm hoping is that Nick Cannon quits while he 1000!