Our website services, content and products are not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. - Do you drink? 3. ", "why did we take off so late?" ANSWER: I have to say that my favorite pony is Twilight Sparkle. 2. All trademarks mentioned are the property of their respective owners. How many people put a suit in a suitcase? I dont know what your problem is, but Im guessing its hard to pronounce. Cant complain. On rubbing it clean, they release a genie who grants them each one wish. Ooooh. 8. ", "Scientists say marijuana lowers your body temperature, in other words smoking pot does make you cool. People like you are the reason Im on medication. I looked around, and I was the only person in the vacinity, so I knew he was talking to me. TeamGodzilla 28 days ago. 2023 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said You know you wanna . So you have created conflict so you can have an interaction. While waiting for my dad, two of the school janitors came outside and started smoking a joint. Smoke On The Water Fire In The Sky Funny Picture. I said no, sorry I can't stand high maintenance women. 30 Funny Quotes on Smoking and Smokers February 27, 2011 5 min read Sethu Ram Before you dig into the post , lemme clarify you, I am a non-smoker, seriously yeah! 1. You only annoy me when youre breathing, really. Why do you ask? Your attempt at politeness has been noted, fellow human. But you might not want to do the same with strangers. The lie detector determined that was true, in fact your blood type is THC. 11. Can you use your putter to putter around the golf course? - Never, I'm single and abstinent. 2: I know, do you really think I asked for a 10 inch BIC? So does your continuous nagging, gimme a break. 2: Sure, just be very clear, he's a bit hard of hearing. Is Friday the end of the week, or is Saturday, or is Sunday, or is Sunday the first day of the week? I asked what I should wear for Halloween twice and got 2 different fun responses. I didnt buy any of your bullsh*t. The last time I saw someone like you, I flushed it. I also really like her style she always looks so put together and classy. 6. The mechanic says, "Yeah, it looks like you blew a seal." Other uncategorized cookies are those that are being analyzed and have not been classified into a category as yet. Never play golf with a doctor who wears green socks. You snuff 'em, we stuff 'em. she was gone! Plus, its worth noting that not all fires are bad. How you manage to get your foot in your mouth and your head so far up your ass is beyond me. ", "When your friends smoke weed without you. My lawyer told me not to answer that question. You stab 'em, we slab 'em. 10. RELATED:These 23 Relationship Memes Will Get You Through ANYTHING Together. *Summons genie* By Brittany White Written on May 10, 2017. Oregon and Washington are among eighteen states that allow families to opt-out of vaccines for viral diseases based on philosophical beliefs, which is why these areas have been the most recent hotbed for the measles outbreak.More than 50 people have been infected across Southwest Washington . But having a healthy respect for fire is part of appreciating it. 18. A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. ask Siri, "will you marry me she say's . 3 packs at $10 a pop? I have no way of knowing that. If I don't get it everyday, I get a headache." the guy asks the bartender. This response is also great role modeling for others and furthers the important message to sober behind the wheel. For the rest of your time on this island, I am obligated to grant each of you one wish per year. The genie after having been drinking heavily for hours responds yeah but one wish per customer! The guy shrugs and say. How soon can you be inside me? This list rolls up 100 funny and witty replies to rude comments. Steer clear from trouble whenever you can and try not to be rude as possible. the bartender asks. the guy asks. I haven't smoked in month and she's up to 2 packs a day. Or perhaps you want to break the ice with an online dating match. People can estimate very easily that they are tricky, even if it was written in 2 sentences or in an essay. 4. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Please cancel my subscription to your issues. The cookie is used to store the user consent for the cookies in the category "Performance". Am I Really? Researchers have determined that as landmarks have disappeared due to loss of ice, some terns get stressed to the point of prematurely ending their flights. When asked about how the fire started the man says "damned if I know, the place was in blazes when I got 'ere! in a cloud of smoke he disappeared without a Tres. 1: Cool! So far, its a nightmare. I didn't even do anything! The old gent rushes home, anxious to try out his new powers. I'm stoked. Why is a pancake fried while a chocolate cake is baked? "Sorry, buddy, but due to city ordinances we don't allow smoking in here. The warthogs have outdone us all.". I've got something I need to say. I searched online for something to light a fire. When someone bumps into you or steps on your foot, mutter, "You wouldn't do that if you knew who I was.". This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. 3. What happens to the plastic when you have plastic surgery? I just got a job at a factory that makes fire hydrants. So we dont have anywhere to put you. However, you may visit "Cookie Settings" to provide a controlled consent. S. The giraffe looks at the weed, then looks at the rabbit, then back at the weed. Heart-shattering. Thanks for sharing. Because its the end of the month and you havent met your ticket quota. If you are in jail can you ever collect a get out of jail card for free? What does the 19 mean in Covid? The mother smiled and replied, Once upon a time me and your daddy decided to plant a little seed. 3) A Consulting Request. I may not be perfect, but at least Im not you. "What size would you like?" Why dont we put the beginning like we put the end?. 1 "I'm Driving" This is the ultimate excuse. Mentally? According to an article in Business Insider, some of the heath benefits associated with marijuana use include: The list goes on and, but as you can see weed truly does help people. Im high-quality, organic, and 100% grass-fed. The answer was an emphatic No! Functional cookies help to perform certain functionalities like sharing the content of the website on social media platforms, collect feedbacks, and other third-party features. If someone gets plastered just where do you find the plaster? ", I thought for a second before answering "Nope, still don't smoke. As a matter of fact, you'll never have any butter for anything for the rest of your life!!! *Make sustained eye contact and then lick your lips*. Lesson learnt Why is a necklace called such, it doesnt have any lace attached. Overcome by loneliness, he mutters, "I wish my friends were here.". Thanks for your advice, now **** off. Seems like you have something to brag about. It's work. Or, you can give a funny response to "how are you." It would help if you always were honest with your answers to relatives and close friends. This cookie is set by GDPR Cookie Consent plugin. 1. ", "You get a bag of weed. 12k 163 comments u/icemage27 Sep 26 2020 report Why doesn't Santa smoke? You saw me rocking out and wanted to know what music I was listening too? There is no one size fits all when it comes to dealing with them. Best Fire Puns Giphy I have a burning question. Maybe you can Google it. Lady: And how long have you been smoking? All tractor-themed. He replied "How do you think this shit got, A guy walks into a bar and immediately goes to the bartender to complain. This one always works. Same thing you're doing, talking to you now. 6. This one works because it references something just about everyone can relate to. After a while the seed started to grow more and more leaves and in a few months, it turned into a beautiful healthy plant. Why are apartments called apartments when they are all stuck together? Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. funny responses to do you send 8.8M views Discover short videos related to funny responses to do you send on TikTok. A Everyone Media Group company. As I passed, he said, "Excuse me, I don't suppose you have a spare cigarette I can have?". Do you have affairs with promiscuous women? Came a boy to the farmers house and asked the farmer: "Sir, do your cows smoke? I have five fingers, and the third one is for you. 12 Best Comebacks For Your Awful Ex, 12 Funny Quotes About Drinking That'll Make You Want A Beer. Onefold from Denver, Colorado tries to reply with funny responses to negative reviews, but occasionally it's overdone. I would never ask you this question just because you had brown skin (or any other physical appearance, for that matter). Do you go to bed late? May I ask you to stop talking? A man goes hunting and runs into a bear. Pretty incredible, right? Sorry fella, I dont have the energy to pretend to like you today. asks the pharmacist. Is a motor home really a home with a motor on it? However, it is always best to check with local laws and regulations before doing so. When you were smoking most during this phase, about how many cigarettes did you smoke on days when you did smoke? These are just a few of the many compliments people give one another on a daily basis. do they get high, or do they just get medium? Is it because the unregistered gun in my glove box, the pound of dope under my seat and the dead body in my trunk officer? 2: I have a personal genie. "It's a condom," replies the grandson, sheepishly. Oh, such discerning eyes. YOU CAN SMOKE WEED LEGALLY!" 1. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry, and puts his brother on the spot. ", "There is nothing like smoking weed after a long day of smoking weed. Hey Santa, tell me about your reindeer. All you have to do is say '123,' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!" What happens when wildfire tells you a joke? 1. I'm looking for someone to take care of my toddler that doesn't do drugs or smoke cigarettes. 1: I wish for a million bucks! 5. "Unos.. Dos." *BANG!" Give the stock response of "Fine, thank you, and you?" and move on. A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. The angel said as a reward for his good deeds that God would give him his choice of eternal riches, eternal wisdom, or eternal beauty. One liner tags: drug, life. Gertrude is confused and Beatrice explains that it keeps the cigarette from getting wet. 1: Woah, where'd you get that!? Bye! His method is clearly aligned with his company identityt because he only becomes truly insulting when someone . 1: You got a lighter? The Irishman responds "I don't know it was burning when I walked in". Trust fried chicken. "Sorry mate, I don't smoke." 10. they toss one cigarette over board to make the boat a cigarette lighter. How much do you cost? You're so full of shit I'll bet you make every toilet jealous. If I was any better, vitamins would be taking me. There are also smoke puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls. "I'm from another dimension.". - Homer . Please be specific with your questions and what you're trying to ask. Everywhere you go, rude comments emanating from various churlish sources are widespread and rampant. I don't drink, i smoke very rarely, i don't stare at girls, i go to sleep early, i wake up early and I work hard everyday. 2. I went to a smoke shop to discover that it has been replaced by an apparel store. Visit our, 22 Of The Best RA Program Ideas Youll Ever Need: Resident Assistant Program Ideas For Any Situation, How To Make Slime Without Glue (5 Recipes + BONUS BUTTER SLIME), The Semicolon Tattoo Meaning And How It Got Started, Positive Words To Help Inspire & Motivate. Trying to remember the name of that weird person you remind me of. Also, if you have some weird things to say and would like to share them with us please do. I was chatting with my classmate -my childhood crush online. A priest was tidying up his church after a sermon, when a man comes in. when hit his ball into the woods and found it in a patch of pretty, yellow buttercups. 27. A man getting along in years finds that he is unable to perform sexually. Man : The Ferrari parked there, is it yours? Lady: Do you know that if you hadn't smoked, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 15 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari? The penguin says, "Have you had time to look at my engine?" Example 2: Answer for someone who used to smoke and no longer does Here's an example of how to answer if you no longer smoke/drink: "I used to be a heavy smoker, but I quit three years ago when I was pregnant with my son. 18. Were all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. They try to get free but the more they struggle, the more tangled they become. 1. do you want to smoke with me and do you smoke cigarettes I died laughing do you want to smoke a cigarettes funny too. [removed] I can't wait to reach that moment. I looked up and noticed a passenger jet in the sky. *pulls out a 10 inch long BIC lighter* I saw a guy walk into a store and buy 5 smoke machines, so I called the cops. the guy asks the bartender. - Bill Clinton. No, but if you hum a few bars, Ill fake it. 23 Continue this thread level 2 2023byTango Publishing Corporation All Rights Reserved. *"Yeah I know. The janitor lady just asked me to smoke some weed with her. So saying sincerely,"Yes, I am having fun" is not really true and will come off sarcastically. I totally understand now why you feel that way. This post is dedicated to all of them. The jerk store called. Hey Santa, tell me a story. Dont ask because its too early to tell. Why do we have royalty in a deck of cards such as the king and queen and then along comes the joker? ", "When someone walks by you smelling like weed. Funny and witty responses to rude comments and mean people. Slowed progression of Alzheimer's disease. 16. stands for Physical Education why does PPE stand for Personal Protective Equipment? I clean up nice, don't I. Performance cookies are used to understand and analyze the key performance indexes of the website which helps in delivering a better user experience for the visitors. I was hoping you would be able to tell me that. During your experimental smoking phase, you may have smoked more cigarettes at some times than others. One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Until I asked her for some papers and she ran off. The chief asks "Why didn't you give him mouth to mouth?" If you bump into someone or step on their foot, say, "I'm sorry. We are always looking for new and weird things to add to our list! After leaving . 3. Just standing here waiting for stupid questions I guess. 7. ", "Why does it smell like weed in your room? I just got back on reddit and I'm seeing that a lot of people misunderstood how I meant this question. great one. In response to the "You're not a monk" joke. Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom. "Yaar Abba nahi maanenge.". MONEY: The U.S. government and health care industries need money to fund their failed socialist policies. Living the dream. 3. Just like everyone I do have many friends who smoke well and very well. WTF? 5. Why do elephants have flat feet? asks Grandpa. Sleep is my drug.my bed is my dealer and my alarm clock is the police. Smoke Alarm Ceiling Funny Picture. Please consult your doctor before taking any action. While ordering food at a restaurant, ask the server for their top two dishes they like (or that people or), then choose something completely different. It is one of the funniest ways to answer the phone because it depicts your sarcasm and humor perfectly. The only thing that even came close to his love for tractors, was the love he felt for his wife. They asked him: why do you always smoke 2 cigarettes together? Just so you know, this conversation is being recorded. If a picture is worth a thousand words, what would a mural be worth? I asked the bishop if I could pray while I'm smoking, and he told me that it was okay to pray at any time! Relax. Everybody rushes to the counter and orders food. A lot better than you. Your brother finished his sentence?" I would explain it to you, but I don't have the time for the crayons! That sounds weird coming from you. "I only smoke beautiful men and women.". Enter a room full of people and say sullenly, "Well. Youll find clever, sarcastic, witty, and funny responses to the question, How are you?. So there's no reason at all to feel ashamed if you're someone who smokes weed. It's one opinion, not a life sentence. It looks like heaven has finally answered my prayers. Earlier they had to share one cigarette between the four of them, that's ju, When the jar was opened, a genie came out and said to them, "You have freed me from my jar. ", "A list of reasons why you should stop smoking weed. The grandson is embarrassed, so he says, "I use it to keep my cigarettes dry when I smoke in the rain." These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. not really funny, but has a point. When a friend suggests going for coffee, say Dont you know theres a war on?, When someone randomly changes the subject, shout, Hes at it again!, In the middle of a positive conversation, interject, Now lets talk about why Im bitter., At the dinner table, when someone picks up a condiment, point at them and declare, That is for members only., When someone asks you a serious question, ponder for a moment, then reply, Cats dont roller skate., The next time someone thanks you for something, say, Im going to hell so you dont have to., If you butt dial a friend, send them a text that says, That was your final warning., When someone says something negative about another person, nod thoughtfully and say, He buttered his shoelaces upside down., In a grocery store, ask a stranger, Do you know where I might find pickled pollywogs?, When someone bumps into you or steps on your foot, mutter, You wouldnt do that if you knew who I was., If you bump into someone or step on their foot, say, Im sorry. A monocle walks into a bar. Finally, as a last hope, the doctor refers him to an African medicine man. It depends on what or who I compare myself to. Because I have this thing on my butt cheek. But, smoking bacon will cure it. Can you repeat what you just said? He was sadly nearly crushed by the tractors wheels when he fell out of the cab, and the experience so traumatised him. Seriously, you don't need that negativity in your life. Can vegetarians still eat animal crackers? When confession of love makes you rethink your life choices. My supervisors are happy with me. 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. "Who me, I don't think so.". HubPages is a registered trademark of The Arena Platform, Inc. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. Jill said yes, pulled up her dress and then they had some fun. Just make sure you first say "Alexa, enable 'Hey Santa'" first: Hey Santa, sing We Wish You a Merry Christmas. Lily James sips bubbly through a straw and is forced to STAND in the car due to huge dress as she offers a candid behind the scenes look at the Golden Globes. The first two men open a bottle of vodka, while the third is tired and goes straight to bed. If you have an opinion about me, raise your hand. I lava you. 8. Oh yes, a clogged nose makes it difficult to breath as well. Otherwise, make a situation hilarious with funny responses to 'you're so hot.', like these: 1. Om Edibles. I have awhile before that. Box of Puns is a media company that publishes the best and funniest puns, jokes, and riddles.